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Father’s Day after abortion can stir up anger, guilt, grief, and more for men. Read real stories, expert advice, and 7 practical tips to help men face the day and start healing. Father’s Day can hit different when abortion is part of your story. It doesn’t matter how recent or how long ago the abortion(s) happened. Or whether you agreed, stayed silent, spoke up, pushed, or never had a say at all. When Father’s Day rolls around—the store displays, the social media posts, the church moments when dads are asked to stand—can all stir up a storm of emotions you weren’t expecting… or maybe have tried hard to keep buried. And here’s the thing: a lot of men are feeling it too. They just don’t talk about it. HIDDEN STRUGGLES MEN FACE ON FATHER’S DAY AFTER ABORTION IMPACT “I remember the first year when Father’s Day came around just a few weeks after the abortion. The overwhelming thought was ‘What kind of father am I? I failed to protect my first child.’” That kind of internal spiral isn’t rare. Men who’ve experienced abortion through a partner’s termination—whether it was one pregnancy or more than one, whether it was your decision or someone else’s—often wrestle with anger, guilt, regret, sadness, and shame. And those emotions have a way of rising to the surface on days like this. We’re not guessing here. Beyond the hundreds of men who have shared their struggles with us, our research with men impacted by abortion found: 71% of men said they experienced adverse effects after abortion 83% said they would have benefitted from talking to someone Only 18% knew where to get help These numbers don’t just show a pattern—they show a need. Any yet… so many suffer in silence. Not because they want to—but often because they don’t think anyone will listen or understand. As one of our articles on men’s emotional struggles after abortion, The Harm of Incivility on Mental Health, explains: “What [men impacted by abortion] have in common is grief and, often, a sense that they must keep silent about that grief to avoid judgment, condemnation, and ridicule.” Whether that silence is chosen or forced, the result is the same: too many men are left carrying their pain alone. WHY ANGER OFTEN COVERS DEEPER PAIN For many guys, anger is the first emotion that shows up. It feels powerful. It’s something you can grab onto. Like these men, who said: “I‘m having a hard time coping with the abortion my wife had. We agreed to it and I still believe it was the right decision—but I’ve been having anger issues since then.” “I’ve started realizing my anger runs deeper—it goes back to the abortion. I never dealt with it. Just shoved it down and pushed people away.” “I didn’t want the baby, and I pushed for the abortion. She fell apart afterward, and I got angry, shut down. It’s been a few years since we broke up, and I see now how mean and selfish I was to her. But I don’t know why I still feel angry.” Often, anger’s not the full story. Underneath, there’s usually something heavier—whatever stuff you’ve been trying hard not to feel. Maybe it’s powerlessness—because you couldn’t stop the abortion. Maybe it’s guilt—because you pushed for it and regret it now. Maybe it’s deep grief—because you wanted to be a father, and now you’re not. Maybe it’s fear—because you’re not sure you’ll ever get another chance. Maybe it’s all of that—or something else entirely. Finding Solid Ground , our new Men’s Guide to Healing After Abortion, talks about how “Holding onto guilt doesn’t fix anything. Instead, it keeps you stuck, and often makes the anger worse.” This is equally true for other negative thoughts and emotions. If that’s where you are this Father’s Day—stuck, mad, unsure what to do—It means what happened matters. You’re carrying a wound that hasn’t had space to heal. Ask Yourself: Am I angry this Father’s Day? And what’s really behind that? REAL MEN’S STORIES: FACING FATHER’S DAY AFTER ABORTION IMPACT The silence around men's abortion experiences is finally breaking, with more men speaking up and helping others realize they're not alone. Father’s Day stirs up all kinds of emotions for men who’ve experienced abortion. Some talk about grief. Others feel regret, guilt, or just a deep ache they can’t quite explain. No two stories are exactly alike, but the struggle underneath? That part is often shared. Here’s how some men have described what Father’s Day after abortion brings up for them: “Every Father’s Day since the abortion, I cry, get drunk, and spend the entire day alone feeling sorry for myself.” “I was really excited about our baby, but she changed her mind at almost five months. It’s especially hard around Father’s Day.” “Seeing all those fathers standing up at church, I would hear all these negative voices and thoughts in my mind: ‘You’re horrible.’ ‘I should be a father.’” “I try to keep it together for my wife and kids—we usually do something to celebrate Father’s Day—but there’s still this pit in my stomach the whole day. I’m smiling on the outside, but inside I think about the one who’s missing.” Watch two of our newest, powerful video stories to hear more firsthand stories of men who struggled after abortion—and found hope and healing on the other side: Alone in the Aftermath – Cole’s Story: When Cole’s wife chose abortion against his wishes, he was left silenced, grieving, and alone. His story is one of heartbreak, faith, and ultimately, healing. From Blackout to Breakthrough – Thomas’s Story: Thomas’s life spiraled after the abortion he pressured his girlfriend to have, leading to years of addiction and regret—until a pivotal breakthrough helped him find freedom and hope. If any parts of these words or stories hit close to home, it’s because Father’s Day has a way of kicking up what’s been buried. You’re not overreacting. You’re responding to something real. Ask yourself: What’s Father’s Day kicking up for me this year? WHY FATHER’S DAY AFTER ABORTION HURTS SO MUCH There’s a term called disenfranchised grief —coined by Dr. Kenneth Doka. It means grief that isn’t acknowledged or validated by others. You’re hurting, but you feel like you don’t have the right to. For men after abortion, this is common. As Finding Solid Ground points out, “Grieving can be even tougher for men because society doesn’t always ‘allow’ it.” Many men have shared experiences like this man’s: “When I tried to talk about how I was feeling, people either shut me down or made it about politics. I got the message real quick—my pain didn’t count. So I stopped talking.” And he’s not alone. Other men have told us about being called selfish, dramatic, or weak for talking about their feelings and struggles after abortion. One said someone flat-out told him, “You’re a man. Abortion can’t impact you.” When another man talked about his grief in a news article, over 1,700 people piled on comments like these: “Crybaby nonsense.” “You’re wrong, you have no right to feel that way.” “You’re lying, nobody feels like that.” “Shut up. Your feelings don’t matter.” Some men have told us their own therapists dismissed the idea that abortion could affect them—saying things like, “You can’t grieve something like that,” or “That’s not what’s affecting your struggles.” Whether the message was said out loud or implied, the takeaway was the same: You’re not allowed to feel this way. Your feelings aren’t valid. Maybe nobody else even knows about the abortion(s) in your past. Maybe people have told you it didn’t affect you. Maybe you’ve told yourself to just “man up” and move on. But burying pain doesn’t make it go away. It just delays healing. You don’t have to put your grief on display. What matters is knowing you’re worthy of support, healing, and a way forward. And taking steps to get there. Ask yourself: What’s got me feeling tense or on edge about this Father’s Day? 7 THINGS YOU CAN DO TO GET THROUGH FATHER’S DAY AFTER ABORTION There’s no one-size-fits-all solution, but here are some things other men have said helped them—not just survive Father’s Day after abortion, but slowly start to reclaim it. 1. Name What You’re Feeling Anger? Sadness? Guilt? Emptiness? Call it what it is. You don’t have to fix it today. But naming it is a first step in owning your experience—and not letting it own you. As our Keys to Hope and Healing resource says, “Healing can truly begin when we are honest about where we are today.” If you’re not sure what you’re feeling, watch for what’s showing up in your body—tight shoulders, a heavy chest, a short fuse. Sometimes your body knows before your head does. 2. Decide How You Want to Spend Father’s Day Think ahead about what’s best for you this Father’s Day—what could help you and what might be too much this year. Maybe it’s a big family brunch, church, a crowded event, or a quiet day. Maybe you need space to reflect or rest. For some men, it’s important to be with their kids—to stay fully present as a dad—even when they’re carrying grief inside. For others, it’s about honoring time with their own father, siblings, or family, even when it’s bittersweet. Whatever you choose, here are a few ways to stay grounded while you’re in it: Take a moment beforehand. A short walk. A few deep breaths. A quick prayer or grounding thought. Have an exit plan. If you get overwhelmed, it’s okay to step outside or leave early. Taking care of yourself is important. Limit the comparison game. Maybe you see other dads and start to spiral into “should’ve been me” thoughts. Remind yourself: their story isn’t mine, and my story’s not over. Carry something that reminds you that you’re moving forward — maybe a line you repeat to yourself, a note on your phone, or just the thought that you’ve gotten this far. 3. Reflect in a Way That Works for You Give your mind some space to process. That might look like getting outdoors: walking, running, hiking, fishing, or doing something physical while reflecting on what’s been weighing on you. Or it could mean writing your thoughts in a notebook, typing a note on your phone, or jotting something symbolic, like a letter to the child(ren) you’re missing. Some men find comfort in planting something meaningful or visiting a place that brings them peace. You can also check out our Nature-Based Healing resources for hands-on, outdoor activities with reflection prompts designed to help you process anger, grief, guilt, isolation, and more—in simple, doable ways. Whatever it is that you do for you—you don’t have to do it perfectly or share it with anyone. But finding even a small way to give your feelings some breathing room can take the pressure down. 4. Set Boundaries If you know certain places or conversations will set off resentment, shame, anger, or a lot of noise in your head, it’s okay to draw a line. You can decide your limits—it’s not something you have to discuss or defend. You might check out our article on Practical Tips for Setting Boundaries . It lays out simple ways to decide what matters most to you, pick what you want to show up for, plan ahead, have an exit plan if you need it, be clear with others about what you need, and take care of yourself. 5. Reframe the Day If Father’s Day is a tough one for you this year, give yourself permission to focus on something else. Instead of letting the holiday, Hallmark, social media, or others define your day, choose how you want to show up in it. One guy said he gives himself a physical challenge each year. Some spend the day volunteering or helping a neighbor—turning the weight of the day into purpose. Others make it a “check-in day” for themselves—a time to reflect on their thoughts, emotions, or growth. Some spend the day with someone who gets it. Others guys carve out some alone time for the hard emotions they know they’ll have before they join their families or whatever activities they choose to go to. 6. Talk to Someone You Trust You don’t have to unload everything. But a few honest words to someone who’s earned that trust—especially someone who understands grief after abortion—can start a shift. And sharing what you’re feeling out loud, even once, can change everything. In fact, researchers say that telling your story in a safe space helps your brain process the experience in a new way. Over time, the memory becomes less triggering and less overwhelming—and you feel more able to move forward. 7. Remember—Healing Is for You, Too Many men think, or have been told, that anything to do with abortion —including healing after abortion—is something “for women.” But abortion impacted you, too. You matter. And you deserve healing too. And seeking help isn't weakness—it takes guts and grit and strength. Ask yourself: What’s one thing I could do so this Father’s Day doesn’t hit me so hard? FEELING ALONE AFTER ABORTION THIS FATHER’S DAY Many men feel alone and like no one cares after going through abortion experiences. One of the men in our video stories, Cole , shared this: “At home, and with my in-laws, and even my own mother, I was told over and over again that my feelings didn’t matter... I really don’t have the words to describe how alone I felt.” It wasn’t until years later, when he finally talked with someone who listened without judging or dismissing him, that things started to shift. “He helped set the path for my healing.” Another man, Thomas , shared how painful Father’s Day became—and how different it feels now: “I believe there are so many people hurting because of their abortions... But life doesn’t have to be like that. It can be so much better.” Even if you’ve kept it all in—or opened up to someone who didn’t handle it well—you don’t have to keep carrying this alone. Support and healing are available, and finding the right people to walk with you can make all the difference. Whether it’s your first Father’s Day after abortion, or your fifteenth or fiftieth, it’s never too soon or too late to face what you’re carrying. Every day is a good day to take a step toward healing. HEALING AFTER ABORTION: FINDING STRENGTH ON FATHER’S DAY Guys who’ve talked with us or gone through a healing program, often let us know how much it’s helped them, like these men: “Once I finally talked to someone who didn’t judge or dismiss me, it was like a weight lifted. I didn’t even realize how much I was carrying until that moment.” “I didn’t say much at first. Just listening to other guys who knew what I was feeling helped more than I expected.” “I honestly didn’t think talking to anyone would help—but just hearing another guy say he’d been through it too made me feel less alone. It gave me hope that maybe I could get through it too.” “Thanks for talking with me and making me feel like I matter.” Here are some solid ways to get started — whether you want to talk with others, join a group, or work through things on your own. Father’s Day Drop-In Group – Join other guys for a no-pressure, no-need-to-register virtual group where you can talk, listen, and get some encouragement. Wednesday, June 11, 12–1 p.m. ET. Keys to Hope and Healing – A clear, practical, secular way to start working through what you’re carrying and move toward healing after abortion. Finding Solid Ground: A Man’s Guide to Healing After Abortion – Straight talk, powerful stories, and a clear path to healing after abortion grounded in God's love and mercy. Unraveled Roots – For when you want to dig a little deeper at what might be underneath the pain—like abandonment, addiction, abuse, or codependency—and find new ways forward. Both Keys to Hope and Healing and Unraveled Roots are available as printed or downloadable books and audiobooks, with videos and journals to guide you at your own pace. These extra resources will be coming soon for Finding Solid Ground. Plus, our After Abortion Line team is here to listen and find the resource or support that feels right for you—whether that’s one-on-one, group, or something private and self-paced. It’s free, anonymous support from real people who will listen with compassion and without judgment. Connect with us: Call or text at 844.289.HOPE (4673) Use online chat at supportafterabortion.com Email us HOW TO SUPPORT MEN STRUGGLING WITH ABORTION GRIEF ON FATHER’S DAY Maybe you’re reading this not for yourself, but because you care about a man who’s hurting after abortion—and you want to support him this Father’s Day. Here are a few ways to be there for him: Don’t assume he’s fine. Many men hide their grief. A simple “Hey, how are you doing with everything?” can go a long way. Keep it low-key. Ask him to grab a bite, hang out, or give you a hand with something. Doing stuff side-by-side makes it way easier for most guys to talk—if they want to. Be present, whether he talks or not. You don’t have to fix anything or say the perfect thing. Just being there can speak volumes. If he opens up, listen without judgment. If he doesn’t, your presence still matters. Avoid cliches. Phrases like “Everything happens for a reason” or “You can always have another child” often hurt deeply rather than help. Even if he doesn’t talk much, he’ll notice that you showed up. FINAL THOUGHTS FOR THIS FATHER’S DAY AFTER ABORTION You don’t have to muscle through this alone. There’s a healthier way forward — one that’s about finding what works for you. This Father’s Day might hit you hard. But you’re stronger than you think. You’ve made it this far, and you’re still standing. Whether you’ve been carrying this weight for a few days or many years, it’s never too soon or too late to start working on healing. You don’t have to tackle it all at once. Just pick one thing today that helps — one action, one conversation, one breath. That’s how real change starts. You matter. Your story matters. And when you’re ready, we’re here to help you take the next step—to connect with the kind of support you prefer—no pressure, no timeline. ________________________________________________________________________ P.S. If you support others after abortion—or want to—we’re here for you, too. Explore resources and training at Support After Abortion’s Provider Training Center. *Names and some elements of their stories have been changed to protect privacy. © Support After Abortion