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Father’s Day After Abortion: Grief, Silence, and Finding My Way Through

Wed, 03 Jun 2026 14:24:04 GMT

Father’s Day After Abortion: Grief, Silence, and Finding My Way Through

Father’s Day after abortion. For a lot of men, it’s a day to push through, hold it together, move on. This story reflects what it’s like to carry abortion grief in silence — and what’s possible when a guy finds his way through to healing.

I almost didn’t write this.

Not because I don’t have anything to say — but because putting it out there—how abortion affected me—isn’t easy.

But I know there are other guys carrying something they’ve never said out loud. Not to their wives, not to their friends, not to anyone. And if this helps even one man feel less like he’s the only one — it’s worth saying.

So here goes.

WE MADE THE ABORTION DECISION TOGETHER, BUT CARRIED IT ALONE

My wife and I made the decision together. I won’t get into the specifics, because I think when people hear details—yours, mine, anyone’s—it feels like they’re judging whether the reasons were good enough. And that’s not what this is about.

What I’ll say is that it wasn’t easy. We were dealing with circumstances that felt impossible, and we did what felt like the only path forward at the time. After the abortion, we never really talked about it. Life kept moving. We already had a young child, later we had another. We built something good together.

And underneath all of it, the abortion was a silent, unspoken thing—and whatever I thought or felt about it was silent too, and stuck.

THE GRIEF I DIDN’T KNOW I HAD AFTER ABORTION

For a long time I didn’t think of myself as someone who was struggling. I was functioning. Good job, good marriage, kids I loved showing up for. There wasn’t anything I would have pointed to and called a problem.

But there was an edge in me I couldn’t quite explain. Not anger exactly — more like a low-grade discomfort that showed up in certain moments and then disappeared. I didn’t connect it to the abortion. I don’t think I wanted to.

I had a friend who’d been through something similar with his girlfriend years before. We never talked about it directly. But every once in a while, when we were shooting hoops or he was helping me work on my truck, he’d say something — just a few words — and I’d nod. That was it. That was the whole conversation. But it meant something. Still does.

WHAT FATHER’S DAY AFTER ABORTION FELT LIKE

Father’s Day was uncomfortable for years before I thought about or understood why.

The store displays, the cards, the moments at a cookout when someone raises a beer to the dads — there was always just this quiet something underneath it all. A weight I couldn’t name. I’d push through it, have a good day, and not think about it again—until the next June.

I remember one year, standing in the card aisle picking out a Mother’s Day card for my mom. I glanced over at my wife—something in her face was hard to read. I almost asked. Instead, I found a card and we checked out and drove home. I told myself I was protecting her by not poking at it.

It took a while — longer than I’d like to admit — before I finally connected what I was carrying around Father’s Day to the abortion years before. That low discomfort, that edge. It had a source. I just hadn’t looked at it directly.

HOW MY WIFE’S HEALING AFTER ABORTION HELPED ME

My wife is stronger than she probably thinks. For years she showed up for our kids, for our family, for me — and she was carrying something the whole time that I didn’t fully understand.

I knew she felt things around Mother’s Day. I could see it. I’d bring her flowers, try to make the day good, watch her face to see if she was okay without actually asking. She’d smile and the day would go fine.

But there was something she wasn’t saying, and something I wasn’t asking, and we both just kept moving.

At some point she started opening up — not all at once, but a bit here and there. She told me what Mother’s Day had actually become for her over the years. What it felt like to celebrate our kids we were raising while quietly grieving another one. I listened. I didn’t try to fix it — I’d learned by then that fixing wasn’t what she needed from me.

She told me she’d gone through a book and video program called Keys to Hope and Healing from Support After Abortion. That it had helped her. That they had a version for men too.

I didn’t say anything about that last part. But I heard it.

MY OWN HEALING AFTER ABORTION

A few weeks later, one night after everyone was in bed, I went to the Support After Abortion website. I found Keys to Hope and Healing for men. I started reading. I watched the first video.

I didn’t tell her. Other guys will understand why — if I said I was going to do something and then didn’t follow through, or started and stopped, I didn’t want that hanging there. I didn’t want her to have expectations or feel disappointed. And honestly, I didn’t want her to ask about it if I wasn’t ready to talk. I wanted to see if it was actually going to matter before I said anything.

It mattered.

It talked about stuff I’d been carrying for years without even realizing it. Guilt. Anger—at myself, at the situation that felt so impossible. Sadness. Feeling like I was “less than,” less than I wanted to be, less than she needed me to be—just … not enough. I hadn’t ever thought of it as “grief,” but I guess that’s what it all was, really.

I kept going. A few weeks in, my wife and I were talking one evening and I just said it: “Hey — I’ve been going through the men’s Keys to Hope and Healing.”

She looked at me and got quiet for a second. She asked how it was going. I said it was good. We didn’t go much further than that, not that night. But something was different, like a door had cracked open that we’d both been walking past for years.

HONORING OUR CHILD AFTER ABORTION: WHAT’S IN A NAME?

Keys to Hope and Healing has a section on memorialization — ways to acknowledge your loss, honor the child you’re grieving, even privately. I thought about that idea for a while. I considered some ways, like maybe adding a gem or something to my keychain or adding a tattoo as a reminder of our baby.

One day I mentioned it to my wife and asked if she’d want to do something together. I saw emotion in her face, she even got a little teary. Then she held my hand and led me out to the backyard. She showed me a bush she’d planted years ago. She told me why she’d planted it — that it was her way of acknowledging our child and what we’d been through. I remember the day she brought the bush home and planted it. I had asked if she wanted me to help or do it for her, but she said she wanted to do it herself. Each spring, I’d see her sitting there looking at it, figuring she just really liked the flowers. I’d had no idea it held a special meaning for her.

We decided to name our baby together. We chose Wren.

Then I saw a shepherd’s hook at the hardware store — wrought iron, with a small bird cast into the top. It felt right. It’s probably not exactly what a wren looks like, but we know what it means to us. We put it near the bush and hung a feeder from it.

That’s when something shifted between us that had been stuck. We’d been carrying this for years — each of us alone, in our own silences. There in the backyard, it finally became ours together.

Sometimes now we sit together looking at the flowers or watching the birds. Even in the winter, I sometimes drink my coffee leaning on the counter, looking out the kitchen window. Sometimes she’ll come hug me and we’ll stand together. We don’t talk about it every time—or even much. We don’t have to. We just know. And neither of us is alone in our grief anymore.

WHAT FATHER’S DAY AFTER ABORTION LOOKS LIKE NOW

Father’s Day is different now. I still feel something on that day. Some years it’s heavier than others. But I know what it is now, and that changes things. For me it seems like acknowledging the grief took away its power—or the urge to hide it.

This year I’m planning to take a little time for myself in the morning — get up before the kids or my wife and go for a walk. Or maybe if I oversleep or the day starts hectic, I’ll just sit and watch the birds while the kids play outside. Just a few minutes to think about Wren. It’ll help me be fully present for the rest of it — the chaos, the kids, the family barbeque where there’ll be some pregnant moms and little babies.

That’s what it looks like now. Grief gets its moment. Then life goes on. Both things are true. And I’m in a better place with it all.

WHAT I’D TELL OTHER MEN FACING FATHER’S DAY AFTER ABORTION

Father’s Day will come whether you’re ready for it or not. If it’s sitting heavy and you’re not sure why — or you know exactly why and you’ve just been pushing through it — I’d say this: that weight is real, and it doesn’t go away just because you don’t look at it. I pushed it down for years, and it still showed up every June.

This year, I’m going to fill the feeder and take my walk and then go be a dad. That’s enough. You’ll find your own version of enough.

You don’t have to have a big conversation, or any conversation. Just start looking at it—that’s a solid start.

Give yourself a few minutes. A walk, a run, a project … some quiet before the day starts. Let yourself think about it instead of past it. It may not seem like much, but it can change the day.

And if you want to go deeper, try Keys to Hope and Healing for Men , where I started. It’s not a big commitment — short readings, reflection questions, videos. You can do it at your own pace. You don’t have to tell anyone unless you want to. That’s up to you. There’s also an option called Finding Solid Ground , for men who want to include faith in their healing.

You don’t have to have it figured out before you take a step. I didn’t. I just started watching the videos and reading one night, and that got things moving for me.

I don’t have a neat ending for this. Wren is still Wren. The bush still blooms every spring. Father’s Day still comes every June. What’s different is that I’m not pretending anymore — not to myself, not to my wife. That’s the thing that actually changed everything.

Support After Abortion offers free, anonymous support for men impacted by abortion — including around Father’s Day and beyond.

Want to talk to someone?

The After Abortion Line is anonymous, compassionate, and non-judgmental. You can call or text 844-289-HOPE (4673), email , or use webchat at supportafterabortion.com. Say as much or as little as you want.

Want some backup for this Father’s Day?

Join a free virtual drop-in for men. Led by Nyles Pinckney, Men’s Healing Coordinator. Low-key, no pressure. Hear other guys. Share if you want. Pick up some strategies for navigating the day. 7-8 pm, Tuesday, June 16. Click here for the zoom link.

Want to explore on your own?

Keys to Hope and Healing for Men — is a secular resource with short readings, reflection questions, and optional videos you can work through at your own pace, privately or with a mentor.
Finding Solid Ground: A Man’s Guide to Healing After Abortion is a faith-based resource written in a conversational, guy-to-guy tone—with real stories, straight talk, and tools for walking through abortion grief and emotions. The video series guides you through the book adding insights, reflections, and an integrated playlist of music for each chapter. All with a focus on God’s love and mercy.
Hear other men’s stories of how abortion impacted them and the hope and healing they found.
Want to share your story ? Sometimes putting it into words can help you process what you’ve been carrying.

However Father’s Day finds you this year — you don’t have to carry it alone.

This story reflects real experiences shared with Support After Abortion. Details have been combined and adapted to protect privacy.

Every Mother’s Day After Abortion I Hold Two Things at Once: Loss and Love

Tue, 05 May 2026 17:05:33 GMT

Mother’s Day after abortion can be joyful and painful at the same time.

One mom shares her story, including what finally helped her heal after abortion.

The card came home in my son’s backpack on a Thursday. Folded construction paper, slightly crooked, his name written in that careful second-grade printing where every letter is a little too big and a little too deliberate. On the front he’d drawn me with curly black crayon hair and what I think were flowers, or possibly fireworks. Inside: Happy Mothers Day. You are the best mom. I love you 100.

I stood at the kitchen counter and read it twice. I laughed at the drawing. I put it on the refrigerator. And then I stood there a little longer. Because something else came up right alongside the warmth — quiet, familiar, the way it always does this time of year.

I had an abortion. And every Mother’s Day, I hold two things at once. I’ve been doing it for years, and I’m still figuring out how.

WHEN MOTHER’S DAY AFTER ABORTION HIT ME HARD

My abortion was several years before that moment at the kitchen counter. I already had one child — my daughter, who was a toddler at the time. My son wasn’t born yet.

The circumstances felt impossible. I won’t detail all of it here, because honestly, most women reading this don’t need me to explain what “impossible circumstances” means. You’ve lived your own version. What I’ll say is that it came from fear, from pressure, from a kind of desperate math I kept doing in my head — weighing what I could handle, what was fair to my daughter, what our relationship could hold.

I moved forward. And for a little while, I was fine.

The first Mother’s Day after the abortion was actually okay. I think I was still in that mode where you just keep going — next task, next day, next thing. My daughter made something at daycare involving a lot of glitter, and I felt real, genuine happiness about it. I remember thinking maybe I was going to be okay.

The second Mother’s Day was harder. I don’t know exactly why the second one landed differently — I’ve talked to other women who say the same thing, that it’s not always the first anniversary of anything that hit hard. Sometimes it takes longer. Sometimes it just pops up when you’re not looking.

I remember standing in the greeting card aisle, waiting while my husband picked something out for his mom, and feeling suddenly like I needed to leave. Not dramatically — I didn’t cry in the store or anything. I just felt this weight settle in, and I wanted to be somewhere else.

I didn’t tell my husband what I was feeling. Not that day.

HIDING MOTHER’S DAY GRIEF AFTER ABORTION — EVEN FROM PEOPLE WHO LOVE ME

For a long time, neither of us really talked about the abortion. And he didn’t really know what Mother’s Day had become for me. He’s a good man. He loves me well. But I think he had his own quiet grief about it too, and neither of us knew how to bring it into the open. So we did what a lot of couples do — we just kept going.

He’d bring me flowers, try to make the day special, watch me to see if I was okay without actually asking. And I’d smile and let the day happen around us. Both of us carrying something the other couldn’t quite see.

I felt guilty that I couldn’t just be happy on Mother’s Day. I had these two kids who were healthy and funny and mine. I had a husband who showed up for me. What right did I have to be sad?

That question kept me stuck for longer than I like to admit.

FINDING HEALING AFTER ABORTION — THE YEAR SOMETHING FINALLY CHANGED

I don’t remember exactly when I first found the Keys to Hope and Healing book and videos from Support After Abortion. I think someone mentioned it, and I downloaded it mostly out of curiosity, not really expecting it to matter.

But something in it spoke to me. It named things I hadn’t let myself name. It asked questions I hadn’t let myself think about. There’s a section on grief — on moving through it rather than around it or avoiding it — and I remember sitting there for a long time, just feeling like someone actually understood.

One of the things it talks about is memorialization — finding some way, even privately, to acknowledge what happened and the struggle you’re carrying and to honor your child. I hadn’t done anything like that. I’d done the opposite, keeping everything tucked away, keeping a lid on it all.

That year I started doing something small on Mother’s Day — something different than just avoiding. Sometimes I write in a journal — nothing organized, just whatever comes. Some years I take a walk before the kids wake up. One year I planted a bush — it flowers every year since around Mother’s Day. Sometimes it’s really simple, maybe even small. But these moments change something in me. They let me acknowledge that my loss was real, that it deserves a moment, that it’s okay to grieve it.

HOW MY HUSBAND SUPPORTS ME ON MOTHER’S DAY AFTER ABORTION

The shift in our conversations happened gradually, without any single big talk. And at some point I told him more about what Mother’s Day actually felt like for me. Not everything at once, just things I’d never said before. He listened, which was what I needed—and he asked what might help.

He started giving me a little space on Mother’s Day. One year we all went to a park, and while he pushed the kids on the swing and watched them at the playground, I walked around the little lake, just thinking about whatever came up. There’s something about being alone by choice — on your own terms — that feels completely different from the loneliness of carrying something in secret. It felt like room to breathe.

These days he’ll sometimes just check in — a hand on my shoulder, a quiet How are you doing today? — and that’s enough. He doesn’t need to fully understand to show up.

WHAT MOTHER’S DAY AFTER ABORTION IS LIKE NOW

Our daughter is older now. Our son is the one making crayon cards with fireworks. They both have opinions about where we should eat and whether the restaurant has good desserts. They argue about what movie to watch after dinner and want me to settle it. It’s loud and imperfect and I love it completely.

And every year, at some point during that day, I get a little quiet. The grief still comes. It’s softer now — more like an ache than a wound. But it comes, and I’ve stopped trying to push it away.

What I’ve learned is that the grief and the joy don’t have to compete. They’re both true. They’re both me. I can put my son’s crayon card on the refrigerator and still feel the weight of a different story — the card that isn’t there — and neither one cancels the other out.

For a long time I thought healing meant the grief would disappear. That’s not what happened. Healing, for me, meant I stopped being afraid of it. Stopped needing to hide it or justify it. It became part of the day — part of me — and I carry it without it breaking me.

IF YOU’RE HOLDING TWO THINGS ON MOTHER’S DAY AFTER ABORTION TOO

If you’re heading into Mother’s Day and any of this feels familiar — the weight alongside the warmth, the hiding it, the guilt about not being able to just be happy — you’re in familiar company. A lot of women are walking into the day carrying more than anyone around them knows.

Mother’s Day will probably always be two things for me. But these days, both of them get to show up—and that feels like enough.

Support After Abortion offers free, anonymous support for people navigating their abortion experiences — including around difficult days like Mother’s Day.

Want someone to listen?

Reach out to the After Abortion Line for a compassionate, anonymous conversation. You can call or text 844-289-HOPE (4673) , email, or use webchat at supportafterabortion.com. You can share as much or as little as you want.

Looking for a place to start?

Keys to Hope and Healing is a secular resource with short readings, reflection questions, and optional videos and journals you can work through at your own pace, with a mentor, or in a group. There are versions for women and men.
Hearing other women’s stories of their abortions and healing journeys can often help you as you navigate your own healing after abortion.
Want to share your story ? Sometimes putting it into words can help you process what you’ve been carrying.

However Mother’s Day finds you this year — in the grief, in the joy, or somewhere in the middle holding both — there’s support for you. You matter. And we’re here for you.

This story reflects real experiences shared with Support After Abortion. Details have been combined and adapted to protect privacy.

GRIEF AFTER ABORTION: 10 THINGS EVERYONE SHOULD KNOW

Tue, 20 Jan 2026 17:36:28 GMT

GRIEF AFTER ABORTION: 10 THINGS EVERYONE SHOULD KNOW

Grief after abortion can feel overwhelming, and it often doesn’t fit neatly into categories or follow a predictable path. You might find yourself experiencing a whirlwind of emotions — relief, guilt, loss, depression, anger. This October, during Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, let’s explore the realities of grieving after abortion, highlighting 10 things you should know including how to find compassionate support for your healing journey.

1. GRIEF IS PERSONAL—AND THAT’S OKAY

Your response to abortion experiences is entirely your own. Some people may feel relief, while others carry an overwhelming sense of loss. You might have felt impacted right away, or maybe the weight of it didn’t hit you until much later. No matter what or when you’ve felt it, your emotions are valid.

Here are some voices from others who’ve shared their feelings:

I am feeling overwhelming sadness, depression, and guilt that hasn’t improved even though it’s been four years since my abortion. I am not sure how to heal. – Female Client

My partner and I weren’t exclusive, so when she said she was pregnant, I asked “How do you know it is mine? A few weeks later, I realized that was a mistake, but she had already gotten an abortion. I never got a chance to mend things. I blocked it for a long time. Years later when my daughter was born, all that loss came forward. It has haunted me for 30 years. – Male Client

If you’re experiencing similar emotions, know that grief doesn’t always follow a set timeline or look the same for everyone. You’re not alone in this. When you’re ready, there are people who understand what you’re going through and can help you find your way through it.

2. GRIEF AND RELIEF CAN COEXIST

It may seem contradictory, but many people feel both grief and relief after abortion. Even if you felt sure about your decision at the time, it’s not unusual to have a mix of emotions later on. You might have been facing significant challenges, such as financial strain, career or educational obstacles, relationship issues, or health concerns. Relief may stem from feeling like you made the best choice given your circumstances, but that doesn’t mean feelings of sadness, regret, or confusion won’t surface too.

I thought I would only feel a sense of relief after the procedure; however, I’m overwhelmed with feelings of grief, guilt, and regret. – Client

I feel both regret and relief. I really loved my baby, but I was in such a toxic, hurtful relationship, I couldn’t imagine raising a family with him. – Female Client

If you’re wrestling with both relief and regret, you’re not alone. Compassionate support can help you process these emotions and foster healing. Recognizing that it’s okay to feel a range of emotions can be a vital step toward finding peace in your journey.

3. GRIEF ISN’T ONE-SIZE-FITS-ALL

The Five Stages of Grief — denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance — are often presented as a roadmap. But grief rarely follows such a neat path. You may move back and forth between emotions. Your feelings may shift and change, resurface after years, or come alongside other emotions. And that’s okay.

While your path may not look like anyone else’s, it can be valuable to hear what others have experienced:

It’s been four years since the woman I was seeing told me she was pregnant and wanted an abortion… It’s all been flooding back lately, and sometimes the grief and shame are overwhelming. – Male Client

At first I was in denial after my abortion. I just pushed it down and didn’t want to think about it. But now I feel depression, anxiety, anger, and guilt. I’m having dreams and flashbacks. – Female Client

I had multiple abortions in my younger days. Over 20 years ago, I went on an abortion healing retreat that helped so much. But a few months ago, I had a depressive episode. My mind has gotten stuck on my abortions and it won’t relent. I’ve been so sad, anxious, and hopeless. It’s like I’m reliving all my pain and trauma again. – Female Client

Understanding that grief can return or change over time is important. Healing is a journey that may take you through unexpected emotional landscapes, but it’s one you don’t have to travel alone.

4. GRIEVING THE ‘WHAT IFS’ IS NORMAL

“What ifs” can be one of the hardest parts of grieving after abortion. What if I had done this or said that? What if I had made another choice? What if things had been different? Questions like these can weigh heavily on the heart, but “What Ifs” are a natural part of the grieving process.

Clients often share their struggles with What If?, like this client:

My due date is coming up. It’s been overwhelming thinking about it. I’m feeling regret, the loss, the decision, the what ifs. I’m feeling the grief of the loss – knowing I can’t change anything and wondering what might have been. – Female Client

While it’s natural to wonder about what might have been, it can also keep you feeling stuck. Finding a way to accept what happened, though challenging, is a vital part of the healing journey. As you navigate your feelings, support from others can help shift your focus from the past to the possibilities that lie ahead, allowing you to move forward.

5. SILENT GRIEF CAN BE HARD TO BEAR

Many individuals struggle with feeling that they aren’t allowed to grieve after abortion, so they keep their emotions hidden. Whether it’s due to shame, stigma, societal pressures, or some other reason, their grief can go unacknowledged or unrecognized by others, which is called disenfranchised grief .

I went through an abortion this year with my then-girlfriend. I’ve been feeling extreme grieving over the abortion, and I don’t have anywhere to turn to. I never told anyone what happened, so I’ve just been silently suffering with it. – Male Client

I could really use help coping with my abortion. I feel terrible, sad, and guilty. I feel like I can’t talk to anyone because it’s such a touchy subject. – Client

I had two abortions – 45 and 50 years ago. I can’t tell my friends because they’ll look at me differently. I’m seeing a doctor and a counselor for clinical depression, but I feel like I can’t tell them about the abortions. I’m all alone keeping this pain and grief inside. – Client

For men in particular, their grief after abortion is often dismissed or invalidated. Like this man:

My now-ex-wife had an abortion four years ago. She and her parents told me it doesn’t affect men. And even my mom wasn’t supportive. I felt discounted and like my feelings weren’t legitimate. I shut down and pretty much suppressed all memories and emotions about the abortion. It wasn’t until I was seeking help for a different issue years later that I realized the abortion was a wound fueling some pretty unhealthy behaviors. – Male Client

Recognizing that your feelings are valid, even if no one else sees or understands them, is a crucial step toward healing. You don’t have to carry your grief in silence—there are others who can help you hold the weight.

6. UNRESOLVED GRIEF CAN LINGER AND HARM

For some, the grief after abortion doesn’t fade with time—it persists, and can feel as raw years later as it did in the moment. With prolonged or complicated grief , individuals feel stuck in their grief, unable to move forward. This can be influenced by multiple factors, including intersecting issues like poverty, homelessness, addiction, or abuse. Lack of voice, choice, or control can also feed into complicated grief.

Unresolved grief is not uncommon, as these clients illustrate:

I had an abortion seven years ago that I did not want, my husband forced it on me. I am still so angry every single day – seven years later. Everyone expects me to just move on and get over it, but I can’t. I let it consume my life, all of my anger. I divorced him, but the grief and anger about the abortion are still there. – Female Client

My girlfriend had an abortion two years ago. There wasn’t much I could do since it was her choice. Everyone always says abortion isn’t a big deal, but I didn’t expect to be impacted in this way. My friends don’t understand and my parents only talk about the morality of abortion. I have no one. I feel angry and depressed, which I’ve never experienced before. I feel stuck, like I can’t move on. I feel destroyed, sad, and like I don’t have any dignity. I wish I didn’t care so it wouldn’t affect me, but I do. – Male Client

This month is the 20th anniversary of my abortion and it has been hard. I feel so sad about it, and I don’t really have anyone to talk to. Everyone says it was the right thing to do and I should move on. I just wish someone would understand or acknowledge how awful I feel about it. Do others feel this same way? Is it common to have these feelings so long afterwards? – Female Client

I’m the one who swayed her. I felt relief that day, but the next day it hit me so hard I couldn’t forgive myself. Things got worse including bad friendships, alcohol abuse, drugs, acting out, poor decisions with more girlfriends, just complete destruction for over a decade. – Male Client

These lived experiences emphasize how long-lasting grief can be and why it’s essential to address and seek support to avoid getting stuck in pain for years, even decades. Healing is possible, even if the grief has been prolonged.

7. MEN GRIEVE, TOO

Abortion can affect both women and men. Many men feel disenfranchised, or like their grief isn’t valid. But the reality is, as you’ve read examples throughout this article, men can feel deep pain, regret, and grief after abortion, too.

Our research found that 71% of men experienced negative emotional changes after a pregnancy they were part of ended in abortion. Over 80% looked for help or said they could benefit from talking to someone. Yet only 18% knew where to go for support. Support After Abortion offers resources specifically for men, as well as women. You can find links to these at the end of this article.

Here are some additional first-hand accounts that illustrate how deeply abortion can affect men:

I don’t think people realize how this affects men also. I have been depressed and cry sometimes out of nowhere because of it. I can’t sleep. It’s like falling in a hole with no lights, spinning and spiraling, and having no direction. – Male Client

I’m still struggling with regret seven years after my ex-wife and I decided to abort our baby. – Male Client

The girl I was dating had an abortion a month ago and I am struggling and using alcohol to try to cope. My dad had two abortions that haunt him, and I don’t want my abortion to define me. – Male Client

I’ve had multiple abortions with my partners a long time ago and recently it’s been haunting me. I’m struggling and need support, but I don’t know where to get it. – Male Client

If you’re a man grappling with grief after abortion, know that your feelings matter. You’re not alone in this. Many guys feel weighed down with regret, anger, and sadness, just like you. It’s okay to seek support in whatever way feels right for you. Whether you choose to talk it out or explore a self-guided healing program, know that taking that step can lead you toward a healthier place.

8. SPEAKING HEALS

You might find you can begin to heal when you allow yourself to grieve, open up about your abortion experience(s), and seek support from those who truly understand what you’re going through.

In The Body Keeps the Score , Dr. Bessel van der Kolk explores how trauma is stored in the body, and how silence can compound emotional pain. Abortion experiences are often kept secret, which can make the healing process even harder. Speaking about your abortion experience(s) — whether with a trusted friend, a professional, or in a support group — can help release some of that trapped grief and allow for healing.

Sharing your story can be transformative. Many clients have said that talking to our After Abortion Line or speaking out for the first time in a group setting helped them feel seen, understood, and less alone:

My abortion was the biggest secret I ever carried. I felt completely alone and misunderstood. Then I found Support After Abortion and was connected to a group. I shared my experience for the first time in my Keys to Hope and Healing group and instantly saw light breaking through. My secret changed, my life changed. – Female Client

My girlfriend chose to abort our babies twice now. I feel so guilty. I don’t have anyone to talk to. Even the few people I told about the first one, I can’t tell them it happened again. I took her to the clinic and cared for her afterward. But, I have feelings of self-blame, fear, and feeling like a failure. Talking with you helps. Thank you for making me feel like I matter. – Male Client

When I first started my group, I couldn’t even say the word abortion. I felt if I acknowledged what I had done, I would have to relive it. The opposite has been true. Sharing my story in my group has given me freedom, not caused me more pain. – Female Client

Facilitators also witness breakthroughs:

As a virtual group facilitator, I find myself consistently being surprised and humbled. I get to witness breakthroughs that come from the hard conversations within the group. The participants have said how thankful they are for their group and the safety they feel to talk and share. – Healing Group Facilitator

I am in awe of the healing that was started, continued, and encouraged over the last six weeks. Some talked about their abortion for the first time and others acknowledged things deeply buried over the years. I saw layers being peeled back. I witnessed love, forgiveness, and changing lives. – Healing Group Facilitator

Many people feel relieved and empowered when they open up about their abortion experience(s). Whether it’s talking to a trusted friend, joining a support group, or working with a counselor, finding a safe space where you can share your story and have others listen and speak to you with compassion and without judgment is crucial for your healing journey.

9. HEALING IS A JOURNEY, NOT A DESTINATION

Grief after abortion is real and deserves to be acknowledged. It’s not something that heals overnight, and it doesn’t look the same for everyone, but it is possible. The healing journey takes time. Recognizing your grief and seeking help along the way is a sign of strength.

Here’s what clients have said about their healing journeys:

Thank you for listening to me. It’s nice to know I have someone who understands. I often feel alone on this journey, seeking this kind of help where I don’t feel pressured to get over my baby or ignored. Getting to mourn and talk about it is really helpful. I often felt like I couldn’t or shouldn’t mourn. – Client

I was asked to go through an abortion healing group so that I could volunteer at a pregnancy resource center. I didn’t think I needed it, but I agreed. Wow, I had no idea how much healing I still needed to do. I had pushed my abortion wound down so far, didn’t think about it much, and called that healing. I am so thankful I went through the healing group myself. And now I am able to help others. – Client

Providers, too, find that healing is ongoing:

I’m a group facilitator, but I recently did a group as a participant. I did not anticipate the impact it would have on me. One woman’s story in particular hit me hard. There was so much truth in her pain that I could relate to. I am so thankful for her courage to share. She helped unlock another door to my own pain. Healing is never one-and-done. – Provider

Healing isn’t about achieving a final goal but continuously growing, learning, and finding new ways to address grief over time.

10. WHERE TO GET SUPPORT

If you or someone you know is struggling with grief after abortion, remember that healing is possible, and you don’t have to navigate this journey alone. Whether your grief feels fresh or long-lasting, there are people and resources ready to support you. Reach out when you’re ready. You’ll find compassionate care and understanding to help you process your abortion experience(s).

You can start by looking at our website supportafterabortion.com for information, videos, self-guided healing, and more for women and men .

Two resources that are particularly helpful for exploring your emotions and behaviors are:

Keys to Hope and Healing , which is an introductory abortion healing resource available for women and men, in English and Spanish. Resources include booklets, self-guided video series, journals, prayer booklets, and facilitator guides and training videos. The men’s book is also available in audio.

Unraveled Roots , which helps people identify root causes behind damaging choices and patterns to change their life by establishing new, healthier patterns. Resources for women and men include print and digital books, journals, self-guided video series, and facilitator guides and training videos. An audio book for men is also available.

The Pregnancy and Parenting Center offers one-on-one and group after-abortion support right here in Florence, OR. We offer Keys to Hope and Healing, Unraveled Roots, and a Transforming your Story healing group. Call or text 541-999-2427 or email hopeppc541@gmail.com for more information or to talk with an after-abortion support advocate.

HOW CAN I CONTACT THE AFTER ABORTION LINE?

Reach out to our After Abortion Line by online chat, phone, text, email or messaging on Facebook or Instagram . We offer confidential, compassionate support at no cost to you. We can connect you to the healing resource that best meets your preferences – that may be one-on-one, group, or independent; counseling or peer facilitator; virtual, in-person, or self-guided; religious or secular, etc.

Father’s Day After Abortion: 7 Ways Men Can Navigate Impact, Plus Real Stories of Healing

Wed, 04 Jun 2025 20:33:17 GMT

Father’s Day After Abortion: 7 Ways Men Can Navigate Impact, Plus Real Stories of Healing

Father’s Day after abortion can stir up anger, guilt, grief, and more for men. Read real stories, expert advice, and 7 practical tips to help men face the day and start healing.

Father’s Day can hit different when abortion is part of your story.

It doesn’t matter how recent or how long ago the abortion(s) happened.

Or whether you agreed, stayed silent, spoke up, pushed, or never had a say at all. When Father’s Day rolls around—the store displays, the social media posts, the church moments when dads are asked to stand—can all stir up a storm of emotions you weren’t expecting… or maybe have tried hard to keep buried.

And here’s the thing: a lot of men are feeling it too.

They just don’t talk about it.

HIDDEN STRUGGLES MEN FACE ON FATHER’S DAY AFTER ABORTION IMPACT

“I remember the first year when Father’s Day came around just a few weeks after the abortion. The overwhelming thought was ‘What kind of father am I? I failed to protect my first child.’”

That kind of internal spiral isn’t rare. Men who’ve experienced abortion through a partner’s termination—whether it was one pregnancy or more than one, whether it was your decision or someone else’s—often wrestle with anger, guilt, regret, sadness, and shame. And those emotions have a way of rising to the surface on days like this.

We’re not guessing here.

Beyond the hundreds of men who have shared their struggles with us, our research with men impacted by abortion found:

71% of men said they experienced adverse effects after abortion
83% said they would have benefitted from talking to someone
Only 18% knew where to get help

These numbers don’t just show a pattern—they show a need.

Any yet… so many suffer in silence. Not because they want to—but often because they don’t think anyone will listen or understand.

As one of our articles on men’s emotional struggles after abortion, The Harm of Incivility on Mental Health, explains:

“What [men impacted by abortion] have in common is grief and, often, a sense that they must keep silent about that grief to avoid judgment, condemnation, and ridicule.”

Whether that silence is chosen or forced, the result is the same: too many men are left carrying their pain alone.

WHY ANGER OFTEN COVERS DEEPER PAIN

For many guys, anger is the first emotion that shows up. It feels powerful. It’s something you can grab onto.

Like these men, who said:

“I‘m having a hard time coping with the abortion my wife had. We agreed to it and I still believe it was the right decision—but I’ve been having anger issues since then.”

“I’ve started realizing my anger runs deeper—it goes back to the abortion. I never dealt with it. Just shoved it down and pushed people away.”

“I didn’t want the baby, and I pushed for the abortion. She fell apart afterward, and I got angry, shut down. It’s been a few years since we broke up, and I see now how mean and selfish I was to her. But I don’t know why I still feel angry.”

Often, anger’s not the full story. Underneath, there’s usually something heavier—whatever stuff you’ve been trying hard not to feel.

Maybe it’s powerlessness—because you couldn’t stop the abortion.

Maybe it’s guilt—because you pushed for it and regret it now.

Maybe it’s deep grief—because you wanted to be a father, and now you’re not.

Maybe it’s fear—because you’re not sure you’ll ever get another chance.

Maybe it’s all of that—or something else entirely.

Finding Solid Ground , our new Men’s Guide to Healing After Abortion, talks about how “Holding onto guilt doesn’t fix anything. Instead, it keeps you stuck, and often makes the anger worse.” This is equally true for other negative thoughts and emotions.

If that’s where you are this Father’s Day—stuck, mad, unsure what to do—It means what happened matters. You’re carrying a wound that hasn’t had space to heal.

Ask Yourself:

Am I angry this Father’s Day? And what’s really behind that?

REAL MEN’S STORIES: FACING FATHER’S DAY AFTER ABORTION IMPACT

The silence around men's abortion experiences is finally breaking, with more men speaking up and helping others realize they're not alone.

Father’s Day stirs up all kinds of emotions for men who’ve experienced abortion. Some talk about grief. Others feel regret, guilt, or just a deep ache they can’t quite explain. No two stories are exactly alike, but the struggle underneath? That part is often shared.

Here’s how some men have described what Father’s Day after abortion brings up for them:

“Every Father’s Day since the abortion, I cry, get drunk, and spend the entire day alone feeling sorry for myself.”

“I was really excited about our baby, but she changed her mind at almost five months. It’s especially hard around Father’s Day.”

“Seeing all those fathers standing up at church, I would hear all these negative voices and thoughts in my mind: ‘You’re horrible.’ ‘I should be a father.’”

“I try to keep it together for my wife and kids—we usually do something to celebrate Father’s Day—but there’s still this pit in my stomach the whole day. I’m smiling on the outside, but inside I think about the one who’s missing.”

Watch two of our newest, powerful video stories to hear more firsthand stories of men who struggled after abortion—and found hope and healing on the other side:

Alone in the Aftermath – Cole’s Story: When Cole’s wife chose abortion against his wishes, he was left silenced, grieving, and alone. His story is one of heartbreak, faith, and ultimately, healing.
From Blackout to Breakthrough – Thomas’s Story: Thomas’s life spiraled after the abortion he pressured his girlfriend to have, leading to years of addiction and regret—until a pivotal breakthrough helped him find freedom and hope.

If any parts of these words or stories hit close to home, it’s because Father’s Day has a way of kicking up what’s been buried. You’re not overreacting. You’re responding to something real.

Ask yourself:

What’s Father’s Day kicking up for me this year?

WHY FATHER’S DAY AFTER ABORTION HURTS SO MUCH

There’s a term called disenfranchised grief —coined by Dr. Kenneth Doka. It means grief that isn’t acknowledged or validated by others. You’re hurting, but you feel like you don’t have the right to. For men after abortion, this is common.

As Finding Solid Ground points out,

“Grieving can be even tougher for men because society doesn’t always ‘allow’ it.”

Many men have shared experiences like this man’s:

“When I tried to talk about how I was feeling, people either shut me down or made it about politics. I got the message real quick—my pain didn’t count. So I stopped talking.”

And he’s not alone. Other men have told us about being called selfish, dramatic, or weak for talking about their feelings and struggles after abortion. One said someone flat-out told him, “You’re a man. Abortion can’t impact you.”

When another man talked about his grief in a news article, over 1,700 people piled on comments like these: “Crybaby nonsense.” “You’re wrong, you have no right to feel that way.” “You’re lying, nobody feels like that.” “Shut up. Your feelings don’t matter.”

Some men have told us their own therapists dismissed the idea that abortion could affect them—saying things like, “You can’t grieve something like that,” or “That’s not what’s affecting your struggles.”

Whether the message was said out loud or implied, the takeaway was the same: You’re not allowed to feel this way. Your feelings aren’t valid.

Maybe nobody else even knows about the abortion(s) in your past. Maybe people have told you it didn’t affect you. Maybe you’ve told yourself to just “man up” and move on.

But burying pain doesn’t make it go away. It just delays healing.

You don’t have to put your grief on display. What matters is knowing you’re worthy of support, healing, and a way forward. And taking steps to get there.

Ask yourself:

What’s got me feeling tense or on edge about this Father’s Day?

7 THINGS YOU CAN DO TO GET THROUGH FATHER’S DAY AFTER ABORTION

There’s no one-size-fits-all solution, but here are some things other men have said helped them—not just survive Father’s Day after abortion, but slowly start to reclaim it.

1. Name What You’re Feeling

Anger? Sadness? Guilt? Emptiness? Call it what it is. You don’t have to fix it today. But naming it is a first step in owning your experience—and not letting it own you.

As our Keys to Hope and Healing resource says, “Healing can truly begin when we are honest about where we are today.”

If you’re not sure what you’re feeling, watch for what’s showing up in your body—tight shoulders, a heavy chest, a short fuse. Sometimes your body knows before your head does.

2. Decide How You Want to Spend Father’s Day

Think ahead about what’s best for you this Father’s Day—what could help you and what might be too much this year. Maybe it’s a big family brunch, church, a crowded event, or a quiet day. Maybe you need space to reflect or rest.

For some men, it’s important to be with their kids—to stay fully present as a dad—even when they’re carrying grief inside. For others, it’s about honoring time with their own father, siblings, or family, even when it’s bittersweet.

Whatever you choose, here are a few ways to stay grounded while you’re in it:

Take a moment beforehand. A short walk. A few deep breaths. A quick prayer or grounding thought.
Have an exit plan. If you get overwhelmed, it’s okay to step outside or leave early. Taking care of yourself is important.
Limit the comparison game. Maybe you see other dads and start to spiral into “should’ve been me” thoughts. Remind yourself: their story isn’t mine, and my story’s not over.
Carry something that reminds you that you’re moving forward — maybe a line you repeat to yourself, a note on your phone, or just the thought that you’ve gotten this far.

3. Reflect in a Way That Works for You

Give your mind some space to process. That might look like getting outdoors: walking, running, hiking, fishing, or doing something physical while reflecting on what’s been weighing on you. Or it could mean writing your thoughts in a notebook, typing a note on your phone, or jotting something symbolic, like a letter to the child(ren) you’re missing. Some men find comfort in planting something meaningful or visiting a place that brings them peace.

You can also check out our Nature-Based Healing resources for hands-on, outdoor activities with reflection prompts designed to help you process anger, grief, guilt, isolation, and more—in simple, doable ways.

Whatever it is that you do for you—you don’t have to do it perfectly or share it with anyone. But finding even a small way to give your feelings some breathing room can take the pressure down.

4. Set Boundaries

If you know certain places or conversations will set off resentment, shame, anger, or a lot of noise in your head, it’s okay to draw a line. You can decide your limits—it’s not something you have to discuss or defend.

You might check out our article on Practical Tips for Setting Boundaries . It lays out simple ways to decide what matters most to you, pick what you want to show up for, plan ahead, have an exit plan if you need it, be clear with others about what you need, and take care of yourself.

5. Reframe the Day

If Father’s Day is a tough one for you this year, give yourself permission to focus on something else. Instead of letting the holiday, Hallmark, social media, or others define your day, choose how you want to show up in it.

One guy said he gives himself a physical challenge each year. Some spend the day volunteering or helping a neighbor—turning the weight of the day into purpose. Others make it a “check-in day” for themselves—a time to reflect on their thoughts, emotions, or growth. Some spend the day with someone who gets it.

Others guys carve out some alone time for the hard emotions they know they’ll have before they join their families or whatever activities they choose to go to.

6. Talk to Someone You Trust

You don’t have to unload everything. But a few honest words to someone who’s earned that trust—especially someone who understands grief after abortion—can start a shift.

And sharing what you’re feeling out loud, even once, can change everything.

In fact, researchers say that telling your story in a safe space helps your brain process the experience in a new way. Over time, the memory becomes less triggering and less overwhelming—and you feel more able to move forward.

7. Remember—Healing Is for You, Too

Many men think, or have been told, that anything to do with abortion —including healing after abortion—is something “for women.” But abortion impacted you, too. You matter. And you deserve healing too. And seeking help isn't weakness—it takes guts and grit and strength.

Ask yourself:

What’s one thing I could do so this Father’s Day doesn’t hit me so hard?

FEELING ALONE AFTER ABORTION THIS FATHER’S DAY

Many men feel alone and like no one cares after going through abortion experiences.

One of the men in our video stories, Cole , shared this:

“At home, and with my in-laws, and even my own mother, I was told over and over again that my feelings didn’t matter... I really don’t have the words to describe how alone I felt.”

It wasn’t until years later, when he finally talked with someone who listened without judging or dismissing him, that things started to shift.

“He helped set the path for my healing.”

Another man, Thomas , shared how painful Father’s Day became—and how different it feels now:

“I believe there are so many people hurting because of their abortions... But life doesn’t have to be like that. It can be so much better.”

Even if you’ve kept it all in—or opened up to someone who didn’t handle it well—you don’t have to keep carrying this alone. Support and healing are available, and finding the right people to walk with you can make all the difference.

Whether it’s your first Father’s Day after abortion, or your fifteenth or fiftieth, it’s never too soon or too late to face what you’re carrying.

Every day is a good day to take a step toward healing.

HEALING AFTER ABORTION: FINDING STRENGTH ON FATHER’S DAY

Guys who’ve talked with us or gone through a healing program, often let us know how much it’s helped them, like these men:

“Once I finally talked to someone who didn’t judge or dismiss me, it was like a weight lifted. I didn’t even realize how much I was carrying until that moment.”

“I didn’t say much at first. Just listening to other guys who knew what I was feeling helped more than I expected.”

“I honestly didn’t think talking to anyone would help—but just hearing another guy say he’d been through it too made me feel less alone. It gave me hope that maybe I could get through it too.”

“Thanks for talking with me and making me feel like I matter.”

Here are some solid ways to get started — whether you want to talk with others, join a group, or work through things on your own.

Father’s Day Drop-In Group – Join other guys for a no-pressure, no-need-to-register virtual group where you can talk, listen, and get some encouragement. Wednesday, June 11, 12–1 p.m. ET.
Keys to Hope and Healing – A clear, practical, secular way to start working through what you’re carrying and move toward healing after abortion.
Finding Solid Ground: A Man’s Guide to Healing After Abortion – Straight talk, powerful stories, and a clear path to healing after abortion grounded in God's love and mercy.
Unraveled Roots – For when you want to dig a little deeper at what might be underneath the pain—like abandonment, addiction, abuse, or codependency—and find new ways forward.

Both Keys to Hope and Healing and Unraveled Roots are available as printed or downloadable books and audiobooks, with videos and journals to guide you at your own pace. These extra resources will be coming soon for Finding Solid Ground.

Plus, our After Abortion Line team is here to listen and find the resource or support that feels right for you—whether that’s one-on-one, group, or something private and self-paced. It’s free, anonymous support from real people who will listen with compassion and without judgment.

Connect with us:

Call or text at 844.289.HOPE (4673)
Use online chat at supportafterabortion.com
Email us

HOW TO SUPPORT MEN STRUGGLING WITH ABORTION GRIEF ON FATHER’S DAY

Maybe you’re reading this not for yourself, but because you care about a man who’s hurting after abortion—and you want to support him this Father’s Day. Here are a few ways to be there for him:

Don’t assume he’s fine. Many men hide their grief. A simple “Hey, how are you doing with everything?” can go a long way.
Keep it low-key. Ask him to grab a bite, hang out, or give you a hand with something. Doing stuff side-by-side makes it way easier for most guys to talk—if they want to.
Be present, whether he talks or not. You don’t have to fix anything or say the perfect thing. Just being there can speak volumes. If he opens up, listen without judgment. If he doesn’t, your presence still matters.
Avoid cliches. Phrases like “Everything happens for a reason” or “You can always have another child” often hurt deeply rather than help.

Even if he doesn’t talk much, he’ll notice that you showed up.

FINAL THOUGHTS FOR THIS FATHER’S DAY AFTER ABORTION

You don’t have to muscle through this alone. There’s a healthier way forward — one that’s about finding what works for you.

This Father’s Day might hit you hard. But you’re stronger than you think. You’ve made it this far, and you’re still standing. Whether you’ve been carrying this weight for a few days or many years, it’s never too soon or too late to start working on healing.

You don’t have to tackle it all at once. Just pick one thing today that helps — one action, one conversation, one breath. That’s how real change starts.

You matter. Your story matters. And when you’re ready, we’re here to help you take the next step—to connect with the kind of support you prefer—no pressure, no timeline.

________________________________________________________________________

P.S. If you support others after abortion—or want to—we’re here for you, too. Explore resources and training at Support After Abortion’s Provider Training Center.

*Names and some elements of their stories have been changed to protect privacy.

Special Father's Day Drop-in Support Group

WED JUN 11 | 12-1pm ET

JUN 11 Drop-In Zoom Link & Optional Signup for Reminder Emails .

Some days are harder than others. For a lot of guys, Father’s Day is one of them. If you’ve been impacted by abortion, this day can stir up regret, anger, guilt, sadness—or just feel off. You don’t have to carry it alone. Join our Father’s Day Drop-in Support Group —a space just for men. No commitment, no pressure. Just come, listen, speak up if you want. It’s a chance to connect with other guys who get it, make sense of what you’re feeling—and maybe leave feeling a little less alone and more ready to face the day.

Mother’s Day After Abortion: How to Find Healing, Hope, and Support

Thu, 08 May 2025 17:58:05 GMT

Mother’s Day After Abortion: How to Find Healing, Hope, and Support

Feeling overwhelmed this Mother's Day after abortion? You don’t have to carry this by yourself.

For many women, Mother’s Day is a joyful celebration of love, family, and children. But for others, it can be a minefield of memories, a trigger for silent grief, or a day they simply wish would pass unnoticed.

If you've experienced abortion—recently or long ago—or if someone you love has, this day might land a little differently for you than what Hallmark or your social media feeds show. Mother's Day grief after abortion is real—and there’s help, healing, and support available when you're ready.

You might wonder: Do I even count? Am I allowed to feel this way? Does anyone else feel like this?

The truth is, many women carry heavy stories too. And whatever you're feeling—it matters.

This blog is for anyone whose story with motherhood isn’t simple.

The woman who carries her story in silence

—and the woman who spoke it aloud but wasn’t fully heard.

The sister or friend who stood by quietly.

The grandmother who still remembers the due date.

And every woman in between.

If you’re here reading this, pull up a chair. Let’s talk woman to woman.

Mother’s Day After Abortion: Real Stories of Grief, Silent Struggles, and Hope

Mother's Day can stir up more than cards and flowers. It can stir up memories. Regrets. Questions that never seem to go away.

Here are just a few glimpses of what that might look like—through the eyes of women who have been there:

Jessica*: A Cloud Over My Head

My abortion was a few years ago, but it still feels like there’s a dark cloud hanging over me. Last Mother's Day was horrible without the baby who made me a mom. I feel regret every day, even though I still think it was the only decision I could make. Some days, I want to believe I’ll feel joy again. But mostly, I feel stuck. Like I can’t move on. Now it’s almost Mother’s Day again, and I feel like it’s pulling me under. I’m dreading it. My family expects me to show up happy for my mom and sisters’ special day, but I just want to crawl into bed until it’s over.

Tamika*: Nobody Knew I Grieved Too

My sister had an abortion when we were in our twenties. She was upset and depressed, and our family was a mess. I didn’t know what to say. So I didn’t say anything. But part of me grieved. I would have been an aunt. I never told her how I felt until years later. It was a Saturday around the anniversary and just before Mother’s Day, so it was on my mind. And while we were doing yard work, I just blurted it out. She cried, I cried, and we sat on the porch in silence. She shared her struggles and pain that she’d kept to herself. That moment bonded us in a new way. Together we planted a bush that blooms beautifully each year. When we see it, it’s a way of saying, “You mattered to us.”

Linda*: Grieving the Grandchild I'll Never Know

My daughter had an abortion last year, and even though I try to stay strong for her and keep my feelings hidden, the grief sticks with me. I keep thinking about the grandchild I’ll never meet. I wonder who they might have been. This would have been her first Mother’s Day, and I'm a mess. Sadness, guilt, the what-ifs. I’ll celebrate with my other grandkids, but this year there will be a missing piece. And my heart is heavy.

Grief doesn’t always show up the way we expect.

Sometimes it’s sharp. Sometimes it’s quiet.

Sometimes it hides until days like Mother's Day bring it roaring back.

You might be feeling waves of emotion you can’t quite explain.

And there’s a reason this day can hit harder than you expect.

What Makes Mother’s Day After Abortion So Difficult?

You might be doing fine most of the year.

Maybe you don’t think about the abortion(s) much anymore.

Or maybe it still lingers in the background, like a song you hear but can’t quite name.

Then Mother’s Day rolls around.

And suddenly you feel off. Emotional. Quiet. Overwhelmed. Maybe even angry.

Maybe you didn’t expect it, like this client:

"I still believe abortion was the right choice for my situation, so I didn’t think Mother’s Day would affect me, but it did. It’s been several years, and it still surprises me that I get sad and depressed around Mother’s Day.”

Or maybe you did expect heavy emotions, as these women told us:

"It's Mother's Day, and I can't help but to feel guilt and regret. I'm so sad, I can't even hear about Mother's Day."

"My emotions come in waves. Sometimes it hits harder than others. Mother’s Day is so hard—I avoid the cards and aisles full of all the happy ‘Best Mom’ stuff."

You might feel:

A sense of absence, even if you don’t name it as grief

Guilt for making a choice you felt you had to make

Loneliness, especially if no one knows what you’re going through

A quiet kind of sadness that doesn’t always make sense

A heaviness that lingers, like one woman said: "I feel myself moving through the days, but since Mother’s Day, I've felt this heavy weight."

“Mother’s Day can be a particularly emotional time for those who have experienced loss,” says grief coach Charlene Lam. “It’s important to acknowledge your feelings and give yourself permission to grieve in a way that feels right for you.”

While Lam’s article speaks mainly about mourning the loss of a mother, many of her insights apply to other kinds of grief that surface on Mother's Day too—including grief after abortion.

If you’re finding this Mother’s Day hard after abortion, these insights from Lam might help you get through the day:

Give yourself permission to feel whatever comes up—anger, sadness, numbness, even resentment. It’s all part of grieving.

Release yourself from expectations—Mother’s Day doesn’t have to look or feel a certain way.

Acknowledge what is, instead of focusing on what “what ifs” or "should have beens”—honoring the reality of your experience helps reduce added pain.

Honor your unique story—your experience and journey with motherhood, however complicated, is worth acknowledging.

Be aware that others may grieve differently—and it’s okay if your process looks different from theirs.

There’s no one-size-fits-all when it comes to healing.

“Grieving is a highly individual experience,” HelpGuide points out, “There’s no right or wrong way to grieve.” There's no set timeline or perfect way to grieve.

It’s okay to feel conflicted.

It’s okay to feel fine.

It’s okay to feel nothing at all—or everything all at once.

Healing doesn’t mean forgetting or moving on like it never mattered.

It means letting yourself breathe again, even with the hopes and heartaches that still linger.

If this Mother’s Day feels heavier than you expected, plan ahead to meet it with care.

5 Ways to Care for Yourself This Mother’s Day After Abortion

Simple, Healing Ideas for a Tough Day

If you're not sure how to get through the day, here are a few gentle ideas:

1. Let Yourself Feel.

Whatever shows up in you—let it.

You don’t need to push it away or figure it all out.

Cry if you need to. Take a nap. Yell in your car. Or do nothing at all.

Sometimes the bravest thing is just feeling without judgment.

As Helpguide says, “Let yourself feel whatever you feel without embarrassment or judgment. It’s okay to be angry, to yell at the heavens, to cry or not to cry. It’s also okay to laugh, to find moments of joy, and to let go when you’re ready."

2. Step Away from the Scroll.

Social media can be brutal on days like this.

The smiling brunch photos. The matching mother-daughter outfits.

If it feels like too much, log out. Protect your peace.

The people who love you can wait a day to see your latest post.

3. Create a Moment That Grounds You.

Light a candle, plant a flower, or sit quietly and breathe for a few minutes.

Focus on what you need most—strength, comfort, or simply space to feel.

Pray if you want to, write a few words, or simply hold space for yourself and your emotions today.

4. Talk to Someone Who Gets It.

Find someone who won’t rush you, judge you, or try to fix you.

That may be your partner, a friend, your therapist, or someone else you trust.

Our After Abortion Line is here for you. No pressure. No agenda. Just space and compassion.

5. Ask Yourself What You Need—and Listen

H elpguide also encourages you to “Plan ahead for grief ‘triggers’...Be prepared for an emotional wallop, and know that it’s completely normal.”

You might need time alone—or with others.

Or laughter.

Or carbs.

Or a plan for what to say when your cousin or grandma asks when you're having kids—or why you’re skipping this year’s Mother’s Day gathering.

Trust that you know what helps you, and give yourself that gift.

For Friends and Loved Ones: How to Offer Support After Abortion

Maybe you’re reading this and thinking of someone else.

Someone who has experienced abortion.

Someone who might be hurting but isn’t saying much.

Looking for ways to be supportive?

We have some great resources that might help you.

Here are a couple general tips:

Don’t make assumptions. She might feel nothing. She might feel everything. Let her tell you.

Ask, then listen. A simple "Hey, how are you feeling this week?" can go a long way.

Don’t fix. You don’t have to solve it. Just stay close. That’s the win.

Reach out gently—if she knows you know about her abortion(s). A simple Thinking of you today can open a door without putting pressure on her. You might even send a card—Support After Abortion offers a selection of free, printable cards.

If you're in a church or small group, think about how you talk about Mother's Day.

Do you hold space for women who feel left out?

A line in a prayer or a small nod from the pulpit can speak volumes.

You might say something simple like:

"We celebrate with those who are celebrating, and we support those who are hurting." or

“Mother’s Day can bring up a lot of different feelings. We’re here for you, whether today feels joyful, complicated, or hard.”

Explore After Abortion Healing Resources

Maria*: Finding Freedom After Years of Silence

For years after my abortion, I couldn't let myself enjoy Mother's Day. I stayed anxious and kept a tight lid on my feelings. But after going through healing, I can finally celebrate being a mom—to all my children, including the one I never held. It's such a beautiful gift this healing journey has brought me—freedom.

Healing didn’t erase Maria’s past, but it gave her permission to breathe again, to honor the full story of her motherhood.

Healing after abortion looks different for everyone.

For some women, it starts with acknowledging that they’re hurting.

For others, it’s finding someone who will really listen.

Sometimes it’s picking up a resource, reading a page or two, and realizing—I’m not as alone as I thought.

However it starts, healing is possible.

And you deserve it.

Ready to take a small step—whether it's plunging ahead toward a healthier you or just starting to think about it?

Here are a few ways you can find support, hope, and encouragement after abortion:

Keys to Hope and Healing – A gentle place to begin if you're ready to explore your emotions and take the first steps toward healing after abortion.

Unraveled Roots – For when you want to look a little deeper at what might be underneath the pain—like abandonment, addiction, abuse, or codependency—and find new ways forward.

Both Keys to Hope and Healing and Unraveled Roots are available as printed or downloadable booklets, with videos and journals to guide you at your own pace.

Plus, our After Abortion Line team is here to listen, help you sort through what you’re feeling, and find the resource or support that feels right for you—whether that’s one-on-one, group, or something private and self-paced. It’s free, anonymous support from real people who will listen with compassion and without judgment.

Connect with us:

Call: (541) 902-2273

Reach out whenever you're ready. Find what fits for you at Support After Abortion.

You Deserve Peace. You Deserve Support.

We know Mother’s Day after abortion can be challenging.

You don’t have to sugarcoat it.

You don’t have to put on a smile, grit your teeth, and push through it.

You get to be exactly where you are.

In the mess.

In the in-between.

In the healing.

And we’re here for you—wherever your here is.

pregnancyandparentingcenter-demo

Father’s Day After Abortion: Grief, Silence, and Finding My Way Through

Father’s Day After Abortion: Grief, Silence, and Finding My Way Through

WE MADE THE ABORTION DECISION TOGETHER, BUT CARRIED IT ALONE

THE GRIEF I DIDN’T KNOW I HAD AFTER ABORTION

WHAT FATHER’S DAY AFTER ABORTION FELT LIKE

HOW MY WIFE’S HEALING AFTER ABORTION HELPED ME

MY OWN HEALING AFTER ABORTION

HONORING OUR CHILD AFTER ABORTION: WHAT’S IN A NAME?

WHAT FATHER’S DAY AFTER ABORTION LOOKS LIKE NOW

WHAT I’D TELL OTHER MEN FACING FATHER’S DAY AFTER ABORTION

Support After Abortion offers free, anonymous support for men impacted by abortion — including around Father’s Day and beyond.

Every Mother’s Day After Abortion I Hold Two Things at Once: Loss and Love

Mother’s Day after abortion can be joyful and painful at the same time.

One mom shares her story, including what finally helped her heal after abortion.

WHEN MOTHER’S DAY AFTER ABORTION HIT ME HARD

HIDING MOTHER’S DAY GRIEF AFTER ABORTION — EVEN FROM PEOPLE WHO LOVE ME

FINDING HEALING AFTER ABORTION — THE YEAR SOMETHING FINALLY CHANGED

HOW MY HUSBAND SUPPORTS ME ON MOTHER’S DAY AFTER ABORTION

WHAT MOTHER’S DAY AFTER ABORTION IS LIKE NOW

IF YOU’RE HOLDING TWO THINGS ON MOTHER’S DAY AFTER ABORTION TOO

Support After Abortion offers free, anonymous support for people navigating their abortion experiences — including around difficult days like Mother’s Day.

Want someone to listen?

Looking for a place to start?

GRIEF AFTER ABORTION: 10 THINGS EVERYONE SHOULD KNOW

GRIEF AFTER ABORTION: 10 THINGS EVERYONE SHOULD KNOW ﻿

1. GRIEF IS PERSONAL—AND THAT’S OKAY

2. GRIEF AND RELIEF CAN COEXIST

3. GRIEF ISN’T ONE-SIZE-FITS-ALL

4. GRIEVING THE ‘WHAT IFS’ IS NORMAL

5. SILENT GRIEF CAN BE HARD TO BEAR

6. UNRESOLVED GRIEF CAN LINGER AND HARM

7. MEN GRIEVE, TOO

8. SPEAKING HEALS

9. HEALING IS A JOURNEY, NOT A DESTINATION

10. WHERE TO GET SUPPORT

HOW CAN I CONTACT THE AFTER ABORTION LINE?

Father’s Day After Abortion: 7 Ways Men Can Navigate Impact, Plus Real Stories of Healing

Father’s Day After Abortion: 7 Ways Men Can Navigate Impact, Plus Real Stories of Healing

Special Father's Day Drop-in Support Group

WED JUN 11 | 12-1pm ET ﻿

Mother’s Day After Abortion: How to Find Healing, Hope, and Support

Mother’s Day After Abortion: How to Find Healing, Hope, and Support

GRIEF AFTER ABORTION: 10 THINGS EVERYONE SHOULD KNOW

WED JUN 11 | 12-1pm ET